I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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