Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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