Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
