I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
