I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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