Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
