Can i not drive my cunt home
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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