How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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