I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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