I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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