In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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