When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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