Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
