Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
