if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
