I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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