Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So much rum. So many feels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
