Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
