You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
