I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I AM VODKA MAN
sex in a hospital.. check
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
