dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
