what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
