oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
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