hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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