guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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