We won't sleep together?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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