I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
