i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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