Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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