Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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