cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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