Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
