Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
