Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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