im having a threesome with these popsicles
Michael Bay diarrhea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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