i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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