Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This baby is an asshole
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
