There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if only i could text you this smell
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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