When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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