the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
