the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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