The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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