Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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