You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
