I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
