It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize