Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
