Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Text me some of your sweat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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