I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
