The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
