You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
