i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
