I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
