Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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