moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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