so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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