Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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