Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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