So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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