girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
