Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
