you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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