yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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