we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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