She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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